Roger Ebert’s Scathing Takedown of a Christmas Film Flop
Roger Ebert delivered a blistering review of 'All I Want for Christmas,' dismissing it as manipulative and hollow despite its notable cast. He found the film formulaic and an insult to viewers’ intelligence.
For many, the festive season brings with it a wave of films that, if we’re honest, rarely aim for cinematic greatness. Most are content to be passable distractions, watched more out of tradition than genuine admiration. Yet, for Roger Ebert, every film—regardless of its seasonal trappings—deserved to be held to the same critical standard. While a handful of Christmas classics, such as Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life, have earned their place in the pantheon, the majority fall short. The likes of Elf, The Polar Express, Scrooged, Home Alone, Jingle All the Way, and Bad Santa may be cherished by different generations, but few would argue they represent the pinnacle of the art form.
Among the countless festive offerings, there was one that Ebert found particularly intolerable. He made his feelings clear in a review that left little room for ambiguity:
“All I want for Christmas is to never see All I Want for Christmas again,”
he wrote, awarding it a mere half-star.
“Here is a calculating holiday fable that is phony to its very bones; artificial, contrived, illogical, manipulative, and stupid. It’s one of those movies that insults your intelligence by assuming you have no memory, no common sense, and no knowledge of how people behave when they are not in the grip of an idiotic screenplay.”
Star Power Can’t Save a Sinking Ship
Despite a cast that included the legendary Lauren Bacall and Leslie Nielsen donning the red suit, Robert Lieberman’s romantic comedy failed to win over either critics or the public. Ebert’s scorn was echoed by others, and the film’s lacklustre reception seemed to confirm his assessment. Rather than coming across as a modern-day Scrooge, Ebert appeared simply unwilling to tolerate what he saw as subpar filmmaking.
The plot, such as it is, centres on two siblings who wish for their divorced parents to rekindle their romance. Their plan involves kidnapping their mother’s fiancé and locking him in an ice cream van bound for New Jersey. The outcome is hardly in doubt; anyone familiar with the genre can predict the ending without much effort.
Formulaic to a Fault
Ebert’s main criticism was the film’s utter lack of credibility.
“There was not a moment of the movie I could believe,”
he observed.
“Not a motivation I thought was plausible, not a plot development that wasn’t imposed on us by the requirements of the plot (example: The driver of the ice cream truck has bad hearing, to explain why he can’t hear the bore banging on the window behind his head). Movies like this give ‘cute’ a bad name.”
The film, in his view, was a by-the-numbers affair, the sort of thing that could be dashed off by an uninspired writer in their sleep.
In the end, All I Want for Christmas received little more than a metaphorical lump of coal from Ebert, who found its formulaic approach and lack of genuine charm impossible to forgive.